A Guest Post by Anonymous
Girls
are amazing, they are awesome. 2012 was a learning year for me. I applied the
law of averages in my life and asked about 10+ girls out knowing far too well
that they will reject me with a very high likelihood. The criterion used to
choose which girl to approach was simple, I had to like her and I am not very
choosy though I have been blamed for it. To me, and as obvious as daylight,
they could either friendzone me, say yes or reject me. What’s the worst that
could happen?
Weirdly,
I was banking on rejection; I wanted to learn to handle that. I wanted to
humanize the whole thing. For most of teenage boys, it’s easy to forget that
girls are human and their decisions are in most cases, well-thought-out and
justified. This was obviously such a
faulty plan because it could have easily ended with a YES from a girl but
somehow, the wheels in my head kept turning and thought I should just keep
doing it to myself in the hope that I will soon get used to rejection and be
immune to it. I am sure you are all wondering about the results, well, I got
into one 3 month relationship (this was difficult), did some crazy things with
some of them, and ultimately got friendzoned by 50% of the girls.
The girls who
friendzoned me were rather nice and some didn’t even know how to breaking it to
me in telling me (aww). I remember like one or two flat out rejections and they
hurt like a bitch but at the back of my mind I was patting myself, “Attaboy! Get used to this”. One girl gave me her reasons for this, and
another just never had the balls. So why did I do all this to myself?
I
had recently turned 21 and realized I may not have lived the dating life I
would have wished for. You see, at 16 – 17 years old, I had these great plans
about how by 30, I was going to get married to a girl I would have dated for 5
years (lmao). First off, I would like to appreciate the fact that very few of
us live such lives that we dream and purpose on and that indeed for some of us,
it goes horribly wrong. It’s life. I wanted to know why this was hard, I had
dated before but that thing (the relationship) scared the shit out of me. One
evening, coming home, I asked some girl’s number and she said No. I stressed
over this overnight. Such a mundane occurrence like a girl saying, “No, you
gotta work harder to get my number” stressed me up like a 15 year old, Justin
Bieber following, girl. I wanted to use 2012 to grow up, accept that girls say
NO all the time and dating is hard so I had better got used to it. This was an
experiment lasting a whole year.
I
did it. It worked. I no longer spend five minutes of my life thinking about a
girl whose interest is any less than mine. I have also accepted that while
scenarios are different, dating in modern Kenya is such a task. Girls have
expectations, men have needs. I am in my early twenties, I have had what I feel
like is a decent education, I can communicate, I have made money, I have an
acceptable lifestyle and I feel pretty good about myself. But still, 5 in 10 of
girls I know will readily friendzone me and I have nothing against it, we all
have different targets and I have learnt to respect such decisions. Why is this
happening?
If
you are reading this somewhere, single and probably wishing things were
different, I probably might have answers for you. Answers that a 40 year old
therapist will not give you because well, he/she is 40, and I am in my 20s, I
know what it is like. Most of us around this age want fun and it’s easy to say
that with money, you can get any girl you want, it is not analogous to the
whole dating thing, and it’s simplistic. My reasons are in one sentence; we want
things that boys/girls in a similar generation cannot provide.
Most
associations work because there is something shared in the system, even
marriage. I find if a boy and girl want the same thing, it works out very well,
believe me. And really just forget about love because it’s an emotion, like
anger and happiness. Just forget it now. Those come and go in a second. Girls
my age want men who are mature and probably rich enough to cater for their
needs. Guys my age want girls who will be less work to handle (I leave this to
your implicit minds) and good looking. So
you find guy Y cannot be enough for girl X, because he is in school or still
trying to find a place in society and similarly, find another girl A, not
enough for guy B, because she is trying not to look too easy or desperate and
thus plays hard to get making this a difficult job for B, who gives up. I know
I have not fully exploited the possibilities but I have firm belief this is why
dating in this country is so difficult but as there are exceptions to every
rule, some work, but not for long, and if for long, it’s because they have all
reached the critical mass, or learnt the art of compromise.
In
summary, in my life, I have learnt that when it comes to women, it doesn’t take
much to bait me. In campus, you will find me trying to stop myself from
blatantly gawking at the women. I cannot help myself. There is no easy way to
do this dating and marriage thing but I hope to do it right as I go into my mid
and late 20s. I don’t intend to experiment again as I have learnt all that I
can. For the coming years, apart from graduating, building a career, making
money, making less mistakes and living the life, I want to find a girl that
will be just what Proverbs 31:10 onwards says, and in a worldly sense, be
sufficient in provision for this girl. Good
thing I am in no hurry.
The writer is a student at the University of Nairobi and a Busherian. He chooses to remain anonymous.
